by Raymond David Salas “One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart.” -Anon
Face it. Breaking up SUCKS...for most people.
Some may feel like curling up into a ball, shutting out the world, and crying themselves to sleep thinking “How could this have happened?” Others may feel the opposite like “Woo-hoo, thank God! Finally, I’m free”...or something similar.
Or at times, you may find yourself bouncing back and forth between these two extremes. Can you relate? If so, here’s some steps that can help you get over someone, heal your broken heart, and finally begin moving forward with your life...in a GOOD way. 5 Steps for Getting Over Someone and Healing A Broken Heart - Give yourself some time.
“Breaking up” is a mental and emotional process of letting go. It takes time. If you were together for an extended period, it may take even longer. That’s okay. Give yourself the mental and emotional space to process the transition of your relationship.
If you have 100 tears to cry but only cry 80, then you’ll need to allow the remaining 20 to come out. If you don’t, then you’ll take this unexpressed pain, hurt, etc. into the next relationship., often recreating the same painful lessons and outcome...AGAIN. Ouch. - Forgive. Forgive yourself for everything you did (or didn’t do) that was less than your best. And forgive the other person too for the same.
By doing so, you are not condoning any bad behavior. Rather, you are choosing to set yourself free.
If it’s too soon and/or too hard to forgive, that's fine. However, you will be energetically bound to this person and relationship until you do...EVEN if you get involved with someone else. It will be like walking around with an energetic cloud from your past. It will weigh on you until you can let it go. You will NEVER be truly free until you are willing to forgive yourself and the other person. Sorry, no one gets a “pass” on this one. - Identify what you loved and what you didn’t love. After you’ve given yourself some time and have forgiven...make a list of what you loved most about the relationship.
Next, think about what you didn’t love and ask yourself what would you have preferred instead. Write out your answers. Once complete, both lists combined now represent what you really want and desire in a relationship. This exercise will help give you the mental clarity for moving forward in a new and positive way. - Make changes to become a match to your ideal.
Once you identify what you REALLY want in a relationship, make whatever changes necessary in yourself to become a match to this ideal relationship.
Be willing to do and see things differently. Whatever it takes. If you were a MATCH to your ideal partner and relationship right now… - What thoughts would you be thinking? Practice thinking those thoughts. - What would you be feeling? Practice feeling those feelings. - How would you act? Practice acting this way. - How would you be? Practice being this way.
Keep practicing until you actually become this person. When you do, you will begin attracting new matching relationships, circumstances, and situations accordingly. “If you want a NEW tomorrow, then make NEW choices today.” - Marc Chernoff - Be patient with all of this.
Personal growth takes time. Transitions and changes take time. Don’t be in such a rush or hurry. I know we live in a time of high-speed communication and connection, BUT you can’t force growth...especially your own. Just keep moving, step by step, in the new direction you want to go in, however long it takes...and eventually you’ll get there. “There is something good in all seeming failures. You are NOT to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.” - Swami Sivananda
by Raymond David Salas “Flow is said to lift experience from the ordinary to the optimal, to a Zen-like state, and it's in precisely those moments that we feel truly alive and in tune with what we are doing.” ~ Mark de Rond To be in the flow is to be living life in an optimal state. The flow is where all good things happen for us. Sounds great, right? But, how do we stay in the flow when the so-called “reality” of our day-to-day life seems to be pulling us in the opposite direction? Here are seven ways to stay in the flow that actually work: 7 Ways to Stay In The Flow Where All Good Things Happen
- Stop analyzing and trying to figure everything out. The truth is that we never know how things are going to turn out. At best, we’re just guessing. Everybody is. Sometimes we guess correctly, which only feeds the illusion. Most times, we’re way off. Things usually happen that we couldn’t possibly have predicted, which changes the outcome. “Happiness is achieved by flowing with the known and the unknown within you, being in a state of simplified simplicity.” ― Paul Andreas Wunderlich - Stop trying so hard.
When you are truly in the flow, there is a balance of give and take, taking action and allowing, yin and yang. If you try to force things or become overzealous in trying to make things happen, you create an imbalance and more resistance within you, which often attracts the opposite of what you want to experience. “When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.” - Rumi - Stop thinking you know what outcome is best. We only think that we know what should happen in any given moment or situation. But, in truth, there is no way to see all possible variables and outcomes. Therefore, we have no idea what would bring us the greatest benefit and good in any area of our life at any time.
As a result, it is more beneficial to remain open to all possibilities and be willing to see things differently.
“When effort is needed, effort will appear. When effortlessness becomes essential, it will assert itself. You need not push life about. Just flow with it and give yourself completely to the task of the present moment.” ~ Nisargadatta Maharaj - Stop bringing the past into the present.
When you bring your past experience into the present, you miss the true potential of the moment and therefore, limit its possibilities. Anything you think you know is based on your past experience and knowledge. If you’re too attached to the past, you will close yourself off to new opportunities available now that you’ve never considered or experienced, which could be even better for you.
So, let go of the past now and explore the present moment before you fully with “new” eyes. - Be flexible and adaptable.
Water is truly flexible... “Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child.” - Margaret Atwood
As the poet reminds us, water’s true power lies in its flexibility.
Similarly, when we are flexible and adaptable in the present moment, we are at our most powerful. Our energy is fluid. We are in the flow. “There are ultimately two choices in life: to fight it or to embrace it. If you fight it you will lose - if you embrace it you become one with it and you'll be lived.” ― Rasheed Ogunlaru - Be creative.
The flow of life is always creative and ever-changing. When you do something creative, you are joining this dance with life.
Any creative activity you choose to do does not need to be large in scale. It can be something as simple as writing down ten new ideas to make your life better today; putting together a music mix of your favorite songs; or clearing some clutter and organizing your desk or an area of your home. “The more in harmony you are with the flow of your own existence, the more magical life becomes.” ~ Adyashanti - Be grateful.
When you are in a state of gratitude, you are free of resistance. When you are free of resistance, you are in the flow...where all good things happen.
It’s that simple. "It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratitude that makes us joyful." - David Rast
by Raymond David Salas Why clear the clutter? What good can it do? How can it improve your life?
Well, for starters… “Clutter is not just physical stuff. It’s old ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self.” - Eleanor Brownn
“You find when you simplify and you just take what you need, and just give yourself what you need, you find there is space for so many other things.” - Tom Shadyac 8 Ways to Clear the Clutter and Improve Your Life - Simplify with the “6-12 month” rule. To simplify using the “6-12 month” rule, just do this: If you have stuff that you haven’t used or enjoyed for at least 6-12 months, pack it up and get rid of it. Give it to all to Goodwill or another charity of your choosing. They’ll be glad to take it off your hands.
If this is too much for you, then pack it up and store it for 6 months. Set up a reminder in Google Calendar (or something similar) to send you an email in 6 months. After 6 months passes, if you still didn’t touch any of the stuff you packed up, it likely means that it does not serve a purpose in your life anymore and is just taking up space. So, get rid of it. - Stop collecting so much crap.
I used to collect baseball cards when I was a kid. As I got older, I got tired of storing them because they took up a lot of space. So, I got rid of them. Do you really need that limited edition state bird plate collection? Or that coin collection that’s just gathering dust in a box somewhere. I don’t know. Maybe you do.
The point is to look at all of the stuff you’re saving and storing, then apply the previous “6-12 month” rule. - Forgive yourself and others. Let go of past regrets. Holding onto grudges and past grievances only takes up mental and emotional space in your consciousness. The remedy is to forgive and let it go. Cut the ties that are binding you to these people and situations from the past. If not, it will be like unnecessarily dragging around a 15-pound weight with you wherever you go. Who needs that?
Forgiveness also means forgiving yourself for past regrets and dumb mistakes. Everybody has some. So, forgive them and set yourself free. - Tame your “to-do” list. Make a list of everything you need to do, including projects and tasks, both big and small. I suggest keeping it on your computer so it’s easy to update.
The purpose of making this list is to take all of these items out of your head and onto your list, reducing your mental clutter. Also, remember that none of this is set in stone. You can revise this list whenever or however you need to.
Once you have your list complete, the next time you have 15 or 30 minutes or more, pick one item from the list to work on. The idea is to make whatever progress you can on that one item with the time you have available.
Whenever you complete the task or project, simply delete it from the list.
Repeat. - Turn off mindless TV. Consciously choose your entertainment.
I’m not making an argument against TV. I’m just suggesting that you choose your entertainment consciously. Don’t just keep the TV on to use it as a kind of "white noise" in the background. Also, don’t sleep with your TV on. This just fills up your subconscious mind with all kinds of crap. Stay clear. - Let go of relationships and situations that don’t feel good. If you’re spending time with people or situations you don’t enjoy, you’re only creating resistance and negativity within you. If it continues, this can adversely impact you mentally, emotionally, and even physically (because they’re all connected). Like Jim Rohn once said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Think about this, then make changes accordingly (if needed). - Be present. Enjoy the moment.
How many of us are ever truly present in THIS moment? Not many, I would guess. Most of us are too preoccupied with the past (what already happened) or the future (what might happen).
Or we’re too busy on our cell phones. Or iPads, etc.
Whatever we choose to do with this moment, we will never have it back again. And, often we only realize this after something happens, then it’s often too late.
“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” - Ferris Bueller - Quit trying to control everything. The only control we ever really have is how we choose to respond to this present moment. Everything else is literally out of our control. Mind-blowing, I know.
For most of us, this thought is too overwhelming, so our fear responds by doing things like over-planning and trying to control everything. This only kills the magic of the moment.