Photo by Catherine Poh Huay Tan
Written by Raymond Salas
Is it possible to get along with your family better?
My answer is “Yes! Absolutely!”
I feel very grateful that I get along so well with all of my family, both individually and collectively. The interesting thing about this is that we are not alike (in oh so many ways). We each have our own unique ways of expressing ourselves and interacting with this world (that we have co-created). Furthermore, we are definitely not the type of family to put on “fake” smiles and pretend that everything is great, especially if we are not feeling it. My family is more the type to tell it like it is (or what they believe it is), whether you want to hear it or not.
Is it possible to get along with your family better?
My answer is “Yes! Absolutely!”
I feel very grateful that I get along so well with all of my family, both individually and collectively. The interesting thing about this is that we are not alike (in oh so many ways). We each have our own unique ways of expressing ourselves and interacting with this world (that we have co-created). Furthermore, we are definitely not the type of family to put on “fake” smiles and pretend that everything is great, especially if we are not feeling it. My family is more the type to tell it like it is (or what they believe it is), whether you want to hear it or not.
Can you relate?
I can honestly say, however, that I genuinely enjoy spending time with my family and voluntarily choose to do so with them on a regular basis.
Definition of “Family”
What is my definition of “family”?
To me, “family” is anyone that I feel a deeper connection with, including (but certainly not limited to) my immediate family (i.e., related by ancestry), friends, clients, readers of this blog, former co-workers, the people that I play softball with every week, etc.
In short, my family is anyone that I feel connected with and close to now.
How To Get Along with Your Family (and all others too)
Here are some things that have helped me to get along with my family better and truly enjoy the relationships that I have with them now:
First, I began by making the conscious decision to get along with my family and others in my world in ways that feel good and are joy-filled, fun, satisfying, loving, and harmonious. My intention is for all of my relationships to continue to grow stronger in these and all ways.
Like most families, my family and I have numerous areas and subjects where we disagree strongly with each other and feel or perceive things differently. I realized very quickly that it does not help me or them to spend any time or energy on these areas. I choose to let these go. After all, it is not my role or desire to convince anyone of anything. Instead, I consciously choose to only focus on the areas and subjects where my family and I are compatible and harmonious with each other. In other words, I simply focus on what feels good and ignore all of the rest.
It is also important for me to remember that others, including my family, do not need to agree with me and my choices for my life. The only person that needs to align with my desires is me.
Yes, it can be nice and helpful when others, especially my family, are supportive of my vision and ideas, but it is not an absolutely necessary factor for my greater happiness.
I have realized that my time and energy are best spent on things that support me and make me feel good. Talking negatively about others does not feel good. To me, it is an “us vs. them” mentality. Instead, I try to act as if there are no others, only one, just like the individual cells in a single body. Therefore, from this perspective, if I am attacking another (mentally, verbally, or otherwise), I am, in truth, only attacking myself and subsequently, activating these vibrations within me.
I have learned that I create whatever I choose to focus on, whether it is desired or not. Therefore, I choose to focus on what I do want to experience and forget about the rest. This includes any perceived shortcomings or negative characteristics of others.
How to Forgive Your Family
But, what if you have a “grievance” against one or more of your family members?
Here’s my “radical” recommendation: Forgive them.
Now, my process for forgiving my family is exactly the same as forgiving anyone else.
Here is the process that I use to activate the power of forgiveness:
Step #1:
First, I ask myself “Do I prefer to be right or happy?” If I prefer to be right, this is the voice of my smaller self (ego). If I prefer to be happy, this is the voice of my higher self (spirit). After hearing this voice (of my higher self), I am ready to move on to the next step in my forgiveness process.
Step #2:
I remind myself that regardless of who or what is involved in my “grievance” of the moment; everyone is doing the best that they know how to do (as we all are). I also recognize that although I may have my own ideas on what this best is, I cannot decide or choose it for any one else except myself.
Step #3:
I release my expectations that anything (or anyone) should be any different, other than how it is (or they already are). I have learned that all of my stress is created whenever I resist whatever is happening in the present moment. When I let all of this go, I am free.
Step #4:
I accept the possibility for a miracle (i.e., a change in perception for all involved, including myself). However, I have no idea what this miracle will look like. Therefore, I do not expect anything to be other than how it already is (as stated in previous step # 3).
Step #5:
After completing all of these steps (in my mind), I let it all go, release the energy, and shift my focus back to what I do want to experience and create for myself.
Keeping The Peace with Your Family
After completing this forgiveness process, if my peace or joy is challenged further, I simply follow this suggestion from Abraham-Hicks:
It can also helpful for me to remind myself of the words of Marianne Williamson:
I can honestly say, however, that I genuinely enjoy spending time with my family and voluntarily choose to do so with them on a regular basis.
Definition of “Family”
What is my definition of “family”?
To me, “family” is anyone that I feel a deeper connection with, including (but certainly not limited to) my immediate family (i.e., related by ancestry), friends, clients, readers of this blog, former co-workers, the people that I play softball with every week, etc.
In short, my family is anyone that I feel connected with and close to now.
How To Get Along with Your Family (and all others too)
Here are some things that have helped me to get along with my family better and truly enjoy the relationships that I have with them now:
- Set your intentions.
First, I began by making the conscious decision to get along with my family and others in my world in ways that feel good and are joy-filled, fun, satisfying, loving, and harmonious. My intention is for all of my relationships to continue to grow stronger in these and all ways.
- Focus on harmony.
Like most families, my family and I have numerous areas and subjects where we disagree strongly with each other and feel or perceive things differently. I realized very quickly that it does not help me or them to spend any time or energy on these areas. I choose to let these go. After all, it is not my role or desire to convince anyone of anything. Instead, I consciously choose to only focus on the areas and subjects where my family and I are compatible and harmonious with each other. In other words, I simply focus on what feels good and ignore all of the rest.
“If you have someone who has many things going wrong and one thing going right, beat the drum of what’s going right, and let that be your point of attraction. If you focus upon their problems, you achieve vibrational harmony with something other than the Source that gives you a solution.” - Abraham-Hicks
- You don’t need your family to agree with you.
It is also important for me to remember that others, including my family, do not need to agree with me and my choices for my life. The only person that needs to align with my desires is me.
Yes, it can be nice and helpful when others, especially my family, are supportive of my vision and ideas, but it is not an absolutely necessary factor for my greater happiness.
“Your joy factor will remain constant as you are continually refining your ideas of what you want, and that's why it is so important for you to get everybody else out of the equation. They've got their own game going on; they don't understand your game. Give them a break; stop asking them what they think. Start paying attention to how you feel. Joy will be yours immediately, and everything else that you have ever thought would make you happy, will start flowing, seemingly effortlessly, into your experience.” - Abraham-Hicks
- Don’t gossip about others.
I have realized that my time and energy are best spent on things that support me and make me feel good. Talking negatively about others does not feel good. To me, it is an “us vs. them” mentality. Instead, I try to act as if there are no others, only one, just like the individual cells in a single body. Therefore, from this perspective, if I am attacking another (mentally, verbally, or otherwise), I am, in truth, only attacking myself and subsequently, activating these vibrations within me.
I have learned that I create whatever I choose to focus on, whether it is desired or not. Therefore, I choose to focus on what I do want to experience and forget about the rest. This includes any perceived shortcomings or negative characteristics of others.
How to Forgive Your Family
But, what if you have a “grievance” against one or more of your family members?
Here’s my “radical” recommendation: Forgive them.
Now, my process for forgiving my family is exactly the same as forgiving anyone else.
Here is the process that I use to activate the power of forgiveness:
Step #1:
First, I ask myself “Do I prefer to be right or happy?” If I prefer to be right, this is the voice of my smaller self (ego). If I prefer to be happy, this is the voice of my higher self (spirit). After hearing this voice (of my higher self), I am ready to move on to the next step in my forgiveness process.
Step #2:
I remind myself that regardless of who or what is involved in my “grievance” of the moment; everyone is doing the best that they know how to do (as we all are). I also recognize that although I may have my own ideas on what this best is, I cannot decide or choose it for any one else except myself.
Step #3:
I release my expectations that anything (or anyone) should be any different, other than how it is (or they already are). I have learned that all of my stress is created whenever I resist whatever is happening in the present moment. When I let all of this go, I am free.
Step #4:
I accept the possibility for a miracle (i.e., a change in perception for all involved, including myself). However, I have no idea what this miracle will look like. Therefore, I do not expect anything to be other than how it already is (as stated in previous step # 3).
Step #5:
After completing all of these steps (in my mind), I let it all go, release the energy, and shift my focus back to what I do want to experience and create for myself.
Keeping The Peace with Your Family
After completing this forgiveness process, if my peace or joy is challenged further, I simply follow this suggestion from Abraham-Hicks:
”Next time you feel any discomfort… stop in the middle of it and say to yourself, ‘This discomfort that I’m feeling is nothing more than my own awareness of resistance. Time for me to relax and breathe. Relax and breathe. Relax and breathe.’ And you can, in seconds, bring yourself back into comfort.”
It can also helpful for me to remind myself of the words of Marianne Williamson:
“Just because you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean that you have to go out and have lunch with them.”
So true. So true.
