Written by Raymond Salas
Regardless of how you may feel about Valentine's Day, it has a way of shining the spotlight on the current state of love and romance in our lives.
Questions come to mind like...
"How’s my love life...really?"
"Have I found the one yet?"
"Am I truly happy in love and romance with the person I'm with? Or am I just settling?"
14 Surprising But TRUE Things About Love and Romance
After many lessons learned and myths shattered...
Here’s my 14 surprising, but TRUE realizations about love and romance:
- Who you’re attracted to now may or may not be the person you imagined or pictured in your mind.
We often think that we know who (or what) would make us happy. The truth is that our preferences are always based on the past, which may have little or nothing to do with the present or future.
As a result, we may find ourselves attracted to someone who doesn’t fit what we believe to be our ideal “type.”
When then have the choice to deny and resist what we are truly feeling in the present moment or be open and follow where our heart is leading us.
Love and attraction are never logical.
- Just because you broke up doesn’t mean the relationship failed.
Maybe it ended because it was simply over. In other words, it had run its course, played itself out, and there was no more growth or good that could come from it.
In this case, it’s time to move on to whatever is next for you.
The amount of time that it takes a relationship to reach this point varies. For some, it’s days and weeks. For others, it’s months and years.
It happens however it happens.
- There is no “special” one just for you.
This is a concept that many people struggle with: “Who is my soulmate and how can I find them?”
The truth is that there may not be only one person who is right for you. There could be more, with each person being right for you in different ways, at different times of your life.
“While the idea of each of us having an ideal soulmate might seem reassuring...it could deprive one of the opportunities of discovering many suitable partners. This fixation of the mind on just ‘one’ soulmate will make you miss living your life while you wait for the arrival of the ‘one.’ You could equally just be placing too much pressure on your existing relationship, which could lead to its failure.” - www.loving-relationship.com
- The first 3-6 months of a romance are no indication of whether or not it will last.
Yes, it’s true. The first few months of a new romance can feel like magic, a high like no other.
“Realistically it is not advisable to commit to someone in the first 3-6 months of a relationship when you are likely running on Oxytocin. which is a chemical found in chocolate. Oxytocin creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with ‘falling in love.’ This might as well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your faculties; your brain is hijacked by those lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to think clearly.” - Yangki Christine Akiteng
- If you’re needy or desperate, you won’t find what you’re truly looking for.
Whether it’s with love and romance or anything else...
“When we ask for what we want, while being grateful and not being needy, we increase the odds of attracting it to us. It’s the feeling of desperation that pushes away the very things we want. Attachment isn’t good for manifestation. You have to let go.” - Joe VitaleIronically, when you no longer need the object of your desire, but would welcome it, that’s when it usually comes...when you are free from attachment.
- How attractive you are has nothing to do with anything external.
This includes your job, job title or work, income, the size or shape of any or all of your body parts, your age, hairstyle, clothes, home, the vehicle you drive, etc. ...despite what advertising, social media, and popular culture may be telling you.
While each of these things can influence how you feel, how attractive you are in any given moment all comes down to how you feel inside, your self-esteem. Nothing more.
“...self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby. Self-esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of how we treat ourselves.” - Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- Just because you both _______ doesn’t mean you’re right for each other romantically.
You can fill in this blank with anything that you both have in common, such as:
- like to “mambo”
- are from the same city, state, school, gym, yoga studio, etc.
- love sushi, Thai food, etc.
- enjoy hiking
- love going to the beach
You get the idea.
While common interests are definitely a good starting point, they don't necessarily mean that there will be "sparks" or romantic compatibility and harmony.
- Like you, the other person will change over time.
Each of us is continuing to grow and evolve as individuals. Therefore, the person you’re attracted to now will be different in a year from now... or five years from now... or ten years from now.
Expecting them to remain the same is contrary to nature, love, and life, where change is the only constant.
How you respond to these changes will make all the difference.
“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” - Charles Darwin
The same could be said for relationships, love, and romance.
- Being involved in a romance may or may not be the best thing for you right now.
Sometimes we just need some space, time on our own to “fly solo,” without a partner, to clear our mind, balance our emotions, rest and rejuvenate ourselves.
- Another person cannot make you happy.
The bottom line is: either you’re happy or you’re not. It has nothing to do with the other person or anything outside of yourself.
“Nasty people can’t make you mad. Nice people can’t make you happy. Events or people are simply events or people. They can’t make you anything. You have to do that for yourself. Whatever emotions arise in you as a result of external events, they’re powerless until you pick them up and decide to act on them.” - Adrian Savage
- You will never like or love the other person in the same way 100% of the time.
“No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater...The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. And that’s the key.” - Sarah Dessen
- The only thing that really matters (after being romantically involved and together for at least six months) is how you truly feel when you are with this other person.
Do you feel truly comfortable and at ease around this person? Do you trust them? Can you express yourself, who you really are, warts and all, with this person? Can you just be yourself around them? Do you have fun and enjoy being with them most of the time? Do you like who you are when you are with them? Do they see and support the best in you?
- To attract the person, romantic relationship, and life of your dreams, you first must become the person who would be attractive and a match to this ideal person, relationship, and life that you desire.
“When you visualize your new reality, you must imagine yourself BEING the kind of person who can attract and hold on to all the good stuff you wish to manifest. That means you’re going to have to work on yourself and grow into that kind of person.
In order to manifest what you desire, the total package must be congruent. There must be harmony between what you’re attracting and what’s attracting you. Too often people fall into the trap of trying to attract something that would naturally repel them, such as...trying to attract a loving relationship without becoming a loving and attractive person.
This is largely common sense, which many people seem to lose sight of when trying to apply the Law of Attraction.” - Steve Pavlina
- Opposites do NOT attract.
Despite what romantic comedies and Hollywood would have us believe, numerous studies and social psychologists have found that opposites do NOT attract.
“Opposites tend to attract in the short term, but not in the long-term. Over the long haul, one of the biggest predictors of success in relationships and marriages is similarity.” - Catherine Sanderson, psychologist
Related and recommended post:
5 Steps for Getting Over Someone and Healing A Broken Heart