5 Steps for Getting Over Someone and Healing A Broken Heart

Broken Heart 294/366 by Skley, on Flickr
Photo by Skley (CC BY-ND 2.0

Written by Raymond Salas


“One of the most difficult tasks in life is removing someone from your heart.” -Anon

Face it. Breaking up SUCKS...for most people. 

Some may feel like curling up into a ball, shutting out the world, and crying themselves to sleep thinking “How could this have happened?”

Others may feel the opposite like “Woo-hoo, thank God! Finally, I’m free”...or something similar.

Or at times, you may find yourself bouncing back and forth between these two extremes.

Can you relate?

If so, here’s some steps that can help you get over someone, heal your broken heart, and finally begin moving forward with your life...in a GOOD way.



5 Steps for Getting Over Someone and Healing A Broken Heart



- Give yourself some time.


“Breaking up” is a mental and emotional process of letting go. It takes time. If you were together for an extended period, it may take even longer. That’s okay.

Give yourself the mental and emotional space to process the transition of your relationship.

If you have 100 tears to cry but only cry 80, then you’ll need to allow the remaining 20 to come out.  If you don’t, then you’ll take this unexpressed pain, hurt, etc. into the next relationship., often recreating the same painful lessons and outcome...AGAIN. Ouch.


- Forgive.

Forgive yourself for everything you did (or didn’t do) that was less than your best. And forgive the other person too for the same.

By doing so, you are not condoning any bad behavior. Rather, you are choosing to set yourself free.

If it’s too soon and/or too hard to forgive, that's fine. However, you will be energetically bound to this person and relationship until you do...EVEN if you get involved with someone else. It will be like walking around with an energetic cloud from your past. It will weigh on you until you can let it go. 

You will NEVER be truly free until you are willing to forgive yourself and the other person.

Sorry, no one gets a “pass” on this one.


- Identify what you loved and what you didn’t love.

After you’ve given yourself some time and have forgiven...make a list of what you loved most about the relationship. 

Next, think about what you didn’t love and ask yourself what would you have preferred instead. Write out your answers.

Once complete, both lists combined now represent what you really want and desire in a relationship.

This exercise will help give you the mental clarity for moving forward in a new and positive way.


- Make changes to become a match to your ideal.

Once you identify what you REALLY want in a relationship, make whatever changes necessary in yourself to become a match to this ideal relationship.

Be willing to do and see things differently. Whatever it takes.

If you were a MATCH to your ideal partner and relationship right now…

- What thoughts would you be thinking? Practice thinking those thoughts. 
- What would you be feeling? Practice feeling those feelings. 
- How would you act? Practice acting this way. 
- How would you be? Practice being this way.

Keep practicing until you actually become this person. When you do, you will begin attracting new matching relationships, circumstances, and situations accordingly.
“If you want a NEW tomorrow, then make NEW choices today.” - Marc Chernoff

- Be patient with all of this.

Personal growth takes time. Transitions and changes take time. Don’t be in such a rush or hurry. 

I know we live in a time of high-speed communication and connection, BUT you can’t force growth...especially your own.

Just keep moving, step by step, in the new direction you want to go in, however long it takes...and eventually you’ll get there.
“There is something good in all seeming failures. You are NOT to see that now. Time will reveal it. Be patient.” - Swami Sivananda